Overcoming Shyness

Are you generating a string of negative assumptions that may never happen? 70-80% of our thoughts can be negative during a 24 hour period.

"This would be a good job for me. I have lots of ideas to share with the interviewer to show I can be a productive part of their team." "That girl looks like she might be an interesting companion. I don't have to marry her if I ask her to go to a baseball game with me. If she says she's busy, she isn't necessarily rejecting me."

Have realistic expectations. Run for an office in an organization that requires you to make a treasurer's report or give the minutes. Take up ballroom dancing or volunteer for a charity.

Prepare possible questions and rehearse asking them. Then in a real situation, get others to talk and you can listen.

If you are a cyclist, then you can feel confident discussing details about buying a bike or trips to take. You might learn Spanish or French or start researching and planning a trip to Europe.

Set up your camera and pretend to tell a story as if you were talking to a group of people you know. Play it back to see if your body language, facial expressions are open and approachable. Is your voice expressive? Do you forget to smile or not feel like smiling? Remember the song, "Whistle a Happy Tune?" The lyrics suggest holding yourself up and whistling. Soon the outward body language affects your emotions and you do feel like whistling. Practice again. Go through the motions of smiling, laughing, and leaning forward towards a person. Say to your self, "I'm having a good time." Then see if you can repeat this body language in a real situation.

What would Brad Pitt or Oprah do?

Being shy does not make you a "bad" person. Most shy people are good listeners, well-mannered, helpful, and pleasant guests. Confident, out-going behavior will become easier as you embrace your shyness and focus your attention on other people. Good luck!